Coming home.

I'm coming home this Christmas break. That's it, I thought about it. I made my choice as of right now. Unless some huge miracle happens that convinces me to stay longer, I won't be here.

Yea it's Europe. And it's Bakersfield. That obviously won't be changing unless the rapture happens. I'm  only a junior once in American high school where I can do what juniors get to do.

Europe will be here always, as long as I work and get money the option of going back is not a big deal. Especially since now I have friends all over the place here. I've already had enough experiences to last me a long long time. In college it's way easier to do exchange programs anyways, and I have friends who want to get an apartment and student visa, or just travel. So I have the friends, I can get the money, Europe isn't running away. It's obvious I'll be coming back.

High school only happens once, and my mom still talks about all her high school experiences, and I know a bunch of other adults who talk about their experiences as some of their best. I'll have already been in Holland for months, that's more than most of the people I'll meet in my school and throughout my life. As a junior, I get to do things that I've waited the past two years of high to do. There are people that are going to college that I won't be able to see again in high school. I don't want to miss that. This year I'll have the perfect mix of exchange and being who I want to be with my friends in a place I know. Oh and I really don't like high school here. I understand so little, they hardly do anything fun, and the people just irritate me sometimes. I just want my friends and the fun back.

My mom kept saying all these negative things about Bakersfield. I know that obviously, that's why I left in the first place. But like they say, you never know what you have until it's gone. I'm feeling that now. I'm still a teenager and there's things I need and want. I'm strong, but not for a whole year. I'd rather come home and regret leaving than regret not coming home. Because I can always come back.

Since so many people don't want me to come home in the winter I now don't feel welcomed home. I know everyone loves me, but I've formed my programs that now if I come home people will think that I'm not strong enough, or that I gave up. I feel like I will fail them and disappoint them. That's enough to make me want to come home right now. I hate disappointed people, but I hate the idea of staying five more months even more. I know that there will be some people who will be thrilled to see me come back, so that gives me more incentive.

As a side note. So much stupid shit has happened to me since I've been here. The first week until present something has been wrong. Unless that changes soon, I will not be fully happy here. I've been sick, had my things stolen or broken, and had to spend so much money on things I shouldn't have had to. So much  has happened, and I just throw on my happy face and try to get over it. But getting hit with this stuff over and over and over is wearing me down. Trying to handle it all overseas just makes it even worse.

So please, I was raised not to listen to peer pressure, so I'm not going to now. I'm homesick now and all the comments and messages about me staying longer just make me more homesick, sad, and irritated.